When you imagine taking a step in life that feels like you’ll “die”, what’s really dying is the ego attitude holding you back.
On New Year’s Eve I had a dream that froze me in my tracks.
I was walking on an icy steel I-beam upstream from a hydroelectric dam. The I-beam ended at a river of surging water that disappeared into the dam’s turbine. I looked back and (surprise!) the part of the I-beam I’d crossed had disappeared. A dark energy chased me. The step forward seemed impossible, or deadly.
I talked about the dream with my men’s life coach mentor and it’s meaning became clear: Part of me was terrified of starting my coaching practice. I’d have to reveal shadow parts of myself—the dark energy of addiction. There was no “I-beam” to step on for an old part of me; but there is a path forward for my inner calling.
“You need to trust that you can step into the current of your life, where the energy is,” said my coach.
Initially terrifying, that dream was a real gift.
It reminded me that when we’re dealing with dreams and inner images they’re symbolic—something is dying but it’s not “you”, but rather a part of you—an attitude, belief or a behaviour.
Maybe your edge is starting or ending a job or relationship. Maybe it’s about speaking a truth that you’ve kept secret and it’s become a ball-and-chain of shame that’s keeping you stuck.
In our lives it would be comforting to imagine we could just not move without consequence.
But there’s a big cost to not taking the step off the edge.
The life force that’s driving us forward has to go somewhere. If you won’t consciously take the deadly step forward that energy will come out sideways—as passive-aggressive snipes at your co-workers or partner; as self-numbing with booze, drugs, sex or exercise.
Since that dream I’ve begun to repeatedly hear men describe the emotional motif of standing at a deadly edge, maybe a cliff above a bottomless abyss.
And in every case what they discover is that the terrifying step isn’t the end—it’s the beginning of a richer life.